#1 Parenting Psychologist: What Is Over-Parenting & Are You Doing It?

章节 1：育儿的先决思考——并非人人都必须成为父母

📝 本节摘要：

本章节为访谈的开篇。主持人 Jay Shetty 提出了一个在大众语境中常被回避的犀利问题：是否每个人都应该成为父母？心理学家 Dr. Alisa Pressman 指出，育儿不应是社会期望下的“自动驾驶”或“传送带”式的人生步骤，而应是一种基于个人召唤的慎重选择。她强调了在成为父母前进行“自我反思”的重要性——通过回顾自己的成长历程（“我是如何成为今天的我的”），我们可以从被动接受转变为“有意识的育儿（Intentional Parenting）”，并制定属于自己的育儿使命宣言。

[原文] [Jay Shetty]: hey everyone welcome back to on purpose I know that you come back here every week to become happier healthier and more healed and it's my commitment to go and find experts thought leaders and thinkers that can help you on your journey to make better decisions to change habits and to transform your mindset

[译文] [Jay Shetty]: 嘿大家好，欢迎回到 On Purpose 节目。我知道你们每周回到这里是为了变得更快乐、更健康、更疗愈。我的承诺就是去寻找那些能帮助你们在人生旅途中做出更好决策、改变习惯并转变思维模式的专家、思想领袖和思考者。

[原文] [Jay Shetty]: now I don't think there's potentially a more important topic than the one we're discussing today because I think raising good humans raising the future generation ation and learning how to improve ourselves in the process is probably one of the most life-changing Journeys that any of us ever go on

[译文] [Jay Shetty]: 我认为可能没有比我们要讨论的这个话题更重要的了，因为我认为养育善良的人类、养育下一代，并在这一过程中学习如何提升自我，可能是我们任何人所经历的最具人生转折意义的旅程之一。

[原文] [Jay Shetty]: and today's guest is someone who has so many great insights so many great takeaways so many wonderful methods that we can all apply in our daily lives to become better at being a good human and raising good humans in the process I'm speaking about Dr Alisa prman she's a developmental psychologist with nearly two decades of experience working with families and the health healthare providers who care for them

[译文] [Jay Shetty]: 今天的嘉宾拥有许多深刻的见解、极佳的要点和绝妙的方法，我们都可以将其应用到日常生活中，以便更好地成为一个善良的人，并在过程中养育出善良的人类。我说的就是 Alisa Pressman 博士，她是一位拥有近二十年与家庭及医疗护理人员共事经验的发展心理学家。

[原文] [Jay Shetty]: Alisa is also the host of the podcast raising good humans if you're not listening already go ahead and subscribe and today we're talking about her new book that's out called the five principles of parenting your essential guide to raising good humans please welcome to on purpose Elisa prman

[译文] [Jay Shetty]: Alisa 也是播客《Raising Good Humans》（养育善良的人类）的主持人，如果你还没有收听，赶紧去订阅吧。今天我们要聊的是她的新书《育儿五原则：养育善良人类的必备指南》（The Five Principles of Parenting）。请欢迎 Alisa Pressman 来到 On Purpose 节目。

[原文] [Jay Shetty]: Elisa it's great to have you here

[译文] [Jay Shetty]: Alisa，很高兴你能来这里。

[原文] [Dr. Alisa Pressman]: I'm so thrilled to be here a thank you for being here honestly I'm uh really excited to dive in as I've been talking about and I wanted to get straight into this because I have so many questions I want to ask you and I want to start off with what I believe is the most important one a nd I feel in our society is often missed forgotten avoided not even a thought and the question is should everyone be a parent

[译文] [Dr. Alisa Pressman]: 我太激动了。（注：此处原文 Jay Shetty 实际上在接管话语权）

[Jay Shetty]: 谢谢你能来，说实话，我真的很兴奋能深入探讨这个话题，我想直接切入正题，因为我有太多问题想问你了。我想从我认为最重要这一个问题开始，我觉得这个问题在我们的社会中经常被遗漏、遗忘、回避，甚至根本没人去想。这个问题就是：是否每个人都应该成为父母？

[原文] [Dr. Alisa Pressman]: whoa um I don't think we can presume to say what anybody should or shouldn't be other than the what whatever your definition of good human is and so if that entails bringing kids into this world if that's your calling I think you must do it in whatever way that works out but not everybody wants that and it's a it's you know it's a an assumption that we probably shouldn't be making

[译文] [Dr. Alisa Pressman]: 哇哦。嗯，我认为除了对于“善良的人类”的定义之外，我们不能擅自断言任何人应该或不应该成为什么。所以，如果这对你来说意味着将孩子带到这个世界上，如果这是你的召唤（Calling），我认为你就必须以任何可行的方式去实现它。但并不是每个人都想要这样，这（人人都要当父母）是一个我们也许不该做的假设。

[原文] [Jay Shetty]: absolutely for those who want children or have always thought they've wanted children what would you encourage people to think about before diving in because I often feel that like so many things in society whether it's the degree we end up studying or the job we get out of college or getting married or having children it almost feels like we're on a conveyor belt and we don't really stop to pause and reflect which I know is one of your key principles we don't often stop and think shou ld we are we ready what are the qualifications what's useful and and we just dive in

[译文] [Jay Shetty]: 当然。对于那些想要孩子或者一直认为自己想要孩子的人，你会鼓励他们在投入其中之前思考些什么？因为我常觉得，就像社会中的许多事情一样——无论是我们要攻读的学位，还是大学毕业后找的工作，亦或是结婚生子——感觉就像我们在一条传送带（Conveyor Belt）上。我们并没有真正停下来暂停和反思——我知道这是你的核心原则之一——我们不常停下来思考：我们应该这样做吗？我们准备好了吗？需要什么资格？什么是有用的？我们就这样一头扎进去了。

[原文] [Jay Shetty]: and it's interesting that you know and I've heard many people talk about this I think I spoke to Kristen Bell and Dax about this at one point and they were talking about how like you just get to come back from a hospital with a baby I know there's no exam there's no test and like you spend all these years studying for a degree or you spend a couple of years practicing how to drive or whatever it may be but all of a sudden you have a baby without a license and nothing else yeah

[译文] [Jay Shetty]: 有趣的是，你知道——我也听很多人谈论过这个，我想我曾和 Kristen Bell 以及 Dax 聊过这一点——他们谈到你就这样带着一个婴儿从医院回家了。我知道这没有考试，没有测试。就像你花了那么多年攻读学位，或者花了几年时间练习开车之类的，但突然之间，你在没有执照、没有任何其他东西的情况下就有了一个婴儿。是的。

[原文] [Jay Shetty]: and so what are some of the things you'd encourage people to think about even before becoming a parent that you think would help them in the process of being a parent

[译文] [Jay Shetty]: 那么，甚至在成为父母之前，你会鼓励人们去思考哪些你认为能在育儿过程中帮助到他们的事情呢？

[原文] [Dr. Alisa Pressman]: I mean ideally we all are thinking about this before we become parents because it just that reflection of like how did I get here how do we come to be who we are which I think is the sort of Crux of what developmental science is is how do we get to be who we are and what then happened in that process that I want to bring to Parenting and what do I want to let go of

[译文] [Dr. Alisa Pressman]: 我的意思是，理想情况下，我们在成为父母之前都在思考这个问题。因为这种反思——比如“我是怎么走到这一步的？”、“我们是如何成为今天的我们的？”——我认为这正是发展科学（Developmental Science）的关键所在，即我们是如何成为今天的样子的？在这个过程中发生了什么是我想要带入到育儿中的？又有什么是我想要放手的？

[原文] [Dr. Alisa Pressman]: and if you take the time to reflect then you can be intentional about your parenting so the idea that we can do this before we have kids if you are in a position to talk to your partner about that and really think through that talk to yourself about that you can have a mission statement for how you want to be as a parent it's not like what your kid's going to be like cuz you have no idea what your kids's going to be like that's a fantasy that you can decide but we we can't they are whatever seed is planted is planted and that flower blooms but we have so much capacity to be intentional and so that reflection before you're even trying to have kids is so beneficial and it's actually linked with secure attachment relationships

[译文] [Dr. Alisa Pressman]: 如果你花时间去反思，你就可以在育儿上做到“有意识（Intentional）”。所以，那种我们可以在生孩子之前就做这件事的想法——如果你有条件与你的伴侣讨论这个问题，真正想清楚，或者与你自己对话——你可以为你想要成为什么样的父母制定一份“使命宣言（Mission Statement）”。这并不是关于你的孩子会是什么样，因为你根本不知道你的孩子会是什么样，你可以决定孩子是什么样只是一种幻想，我们做不到。种下什么种子就是什么种子，花朵会自然绽放。但我们有巨大的能力去做到“有意识”。所以，甚至在尝试生孩子之前的这种反思是非常有益的，而且它实际上与“安全依恋关系（Secure Attachment Relationships）”息息相关。