Ronny Chieng Address | Harvard Class Day 2026

章节 1：「替补」演讲嘉宾登场：没考上哈佛的我来致辞

📝 本节摘要：

喜剧演员、《每日秀》主持人钟仁义（Ronny Chieng）开场即自嘲是毕业班委员会临时找来的「第二人选」，调侃自己连哈佛都没考上，还当场讨要学位。他说母亲以为他从哈佛毕业，专程从新加坡飞来，比看他的 Netflix 特辑和电影首映还积极，并借此调侃哈佛对亚裔的吸引力、平权法案以及成绩通胀。

[原文] [Ronny Chieng]: Thank you. Keep it going for yourselves, everybody! I think we all deserve a round of applause for not looking at our phones for like two hours now. What an achievement. It's a beautiful day out. Come on, it's you guys. Yay, we did it! Thank you for having me speak here today. I'm very honored to be your class committee's last-minute, second-choice speaker. I don't know who canceled. I've been trying to find out all week, but I guess I'm on the short list of people who's within Amtrak distance and not in the Epstein files.

[译文] [Ronny Chieng]: 谢谢。大家继续给自己鼓掌！我觉得咱们都该为自己快两个小时没看手机鼓个掌。多了不起的成就啊。今天天气真好。来嘛，这是属于你们的日子。耶，我们做到了！感谢邀请我今天来这里发言。我非常荣幸能成为你们毕业班委员会临时找来的「第二人选」演讲嘉宾。我不知道是谁放了鸽子，我打听了一整个星期都没打听出来。不过我猜，我大概是在那份短名单上：坐美铁（Amtrak）能到，而且没出现在爱泼斯坦文件（Epstein files）里的人。

[原文] [Ronny Chieng]: I understand it was down to me and Baby Yoda, and I think that guy's doing press right now. So you're stuck with me. Someone who couldn't get into this college, much less graduate from it. And by the way, on that topic, before we go any further, do I get a degree for this s*** or what? Because I was Googling it, and people were getting degrees, and I don't know, is that just like a commencement speech thing? Is this like different to that? This is Class Day, I guess this is like the Gobi tent to the Coachella main stage.

[译文] [Ronny Chieng]: 据我所知，最后是在我和尤达宝宝（Baby Yoda）之间二选一，我估计那家伙这会儿正忙着跑宣传。所以你们只能将就我了——一个连这所大学都考不进，更别说从这里毕业的人。顺便说一句，既然说到这个，在继续之前我得问一下：我干这破事有没有学位拿啊？因为我上网搜了一下，好多人都拿到了学位。我也搞不清，那是不是只有毕业典礼演讲才有？今天这个是不是不一样？这是「班级日」（Class Day），我估计这就相当于科切拉音乐节（Coachella）里的戈壁帐篷，对比主舞台。

[原文] [Ronny Chieng]: All right. Degrees are for our headliners, right, Dean? All right. My mom actually came from Singapore just to watch this because she thinks I'm graduating from Harvard. So she's right in the front row. So I don't know, can someone on stage just hand me a piece of paper or something? A scroll, Dean, yeah. F***ing... Thank you. I don't know, maybe someone here can give me the art history degree. Trust me, you're not gonna need it. Seriously. I had Netflix specials, I had movie premieres.

[译文] [Ronny Chieng]: 好吧。学位是留给压轴嘉宾的，对吧，院长？好吧。其实我妈专程从新加坡飞过来看这个，因为她以为我要从哈佛毕业了。她就坐在第一排。所以，那个，台上能不能有人随便递给我一张纸什么的？来个卷轴，院长，对。我靠……谢谢。要不这样，看看在座有没有人把艺术史学位让给我。相信我，你用不上的。说真的。我上过 Netflix 特辑，参加过电影首映。

[原文] [Ronny Chieng]: I host The Daily Show. My mom didn't come for any of that. I tell her I'm at Harvard, and she gets on the first flight over. In fact, my sister also came, and she only came because I told her Conan O'Brien was giving the commencement speech. That's the power of this institution that you guys are graduating from. It'll make Asians do anything up to and including voting against affirmative action. So congratulations to all of you again. Yeah, congratulations on being the last generation of Harvard grads with straight A's.

[译文] [Ronny Chieng]: 我还主持《每日秀》（The Daily Show）。这些我妈一样都没来过。我一说我在哈佛，她立马搭最早一班飞机赶过来。其实我姐也来了，她来只是因为我跟她说毕业典礼是柯南·奥布莱恩（Conan O'Brien）致辞。这就是你们即将毕业的这所学府的威力——它能让亚洲人做任何事，甚至包括投票反对平权法案。所以再次恭喜你们大家。对，恭喜你们成为最后一届门门拿 A 的哈佛毕业生。